- what's the matter? why the dark face? why are you so angry?
- i don't know. i don't really require a reason to be angry these days. and i ought to be happy. i will be soon.

My hands were shaking a little, as they had been off and on since i had come back into my old form. There was no physical cause for it, only my anger coming and going, and long spells of contentment, and then a terrifying emptiness which would open around me, and then the happiness coming again, quite complete, yet fragile, as though it were but a thin fine veneer.

Was it fair to say i didn't know the full state of my soul?

Why were both my virtues and my faults used against me?

Maybe that was the best part. The discovery. And that I no longer entertain a deception. That I know now I truly love being the devil that I am.

Keep your vigil, little candle, in darkness and in sunshine.
Yes, for me.

- Don't center on your anxiety, Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now where it belongs.
- Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future...
- But not at the expense of the moment. Be mindful of the living Force, my young Padawan.

and finally (who would have thought) john, paul, george and ringo:
"send me a postcard, drop me a line
stating point of view
indicate precisely what you mean to say
your sincerely wasting away
give me your answer, fill in a form
mine for ever more"

Moz again:
"On returning, I can't believe this world is still turning
On competing, Oh, when will this tired heart stop beating?
It's all a game, existence is only a game
And I'm, not sorry for the things I've done
And I'm, not looking for just anyone
I'm, Slipping below the water line
I'm Slipping below the water line
Reach for my hand and the race is won
Reject my hand and the damage is done
I'm Slipping below the water line
I'm Slipping below the water line"

Moz:

"Monday - humiliation
Tuesday - suffocation
Wednesday - condescension
Thursday - is pathetic
By Friday life has killed me

Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Do you hate me?"

pj:

"Please don't make my wedding dress
I'm too young to marry yet
Can you see my pocket knife?
You can't make me be a wife
How the world just turns & turns
How does anybody learn?

Mummy, put your needle down
How did you feel when you were young?
Cos I feel like I've just been born
Even though I'm getting on
How the world slips by so fast

How does anybody last?
As the world keeps coming
And the bees keep humming
And I'll keep running

Flowers I can do without
I don't wanna be tied down
White material will stain
My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade
I'm not trying to cause a fuss
I just wanna make my own fuck-ups
I'm not trying to break your heart
I'm just trying not to fall apart"

Moz: "Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me. No hope, no harm, just another false alarm. The story is old, I know, but it goes on."

so many presents
not one of them real